My father used alienation, brainwashing (what they accused my mom of) to the degree of abuse from the time even before I went to live with him.
He would tell me that my mother really didn't love me, that I was a burden to her, and that she did not want to take care of me.
When she bought me presents he told me that she was trying to buy my love. He turned everything about her into something negative. It got so bad that I would get physically sick before the visitations with him; I'd cry and beg my mother not to make me go. I had nightmares, and would wake up screaming.
After I was forced to live with him, he would yell at me and even hit me when I would say that I missed her. He would be angry and physical with me if I said anything nice about my mother, but when I would say something negative he would become loving and happy with me.
I started making things up just to get his approval. I told my mom that I loved her even if I did not say it because ‘dad would not hit me so hard if I pretended to not love her.’ I have learned that most kids like me have had to endure this abuse just to stay safe.
One year she sent me a Christmas present and I gave it back to her -that made my dad really happy with me. Another time she sent me one of those Barbie heads, where you do her hair and makeup. I loved that toy, but instead of playing with it I destroyed it so that my dad would be happy and not hit me.
He systematically set out to turn me against my own mother, withholding love unless I said bad things about her.
Because of the abuse, the beatings and the emotional abuse I have not spoken to him in over 12 years.
Ironically, the alienation that he practiced against my mother ended up coming back and biting him in the butt. Sadly, I am also estranged from my mother since she is addicted to prescription drugs and alcohol and is unable to handle any loving relationships." He destroyed so much.
I just want you to know that I admire you for what you are doing and your daughter regardless of what she ‘has’ to say to ‘court people’ (that is like telling daddy) and that she loves you and misses you tremendously. I know that she feels very alone and cries only when it is safe to cry, alone.
She knows that she is on her own and that no one will help her or can at this point any more.
Any one who knows anything about abuse knows that the above ‘control’ is common sadly the courts could care less about the kids.
Signed,
Survivor of Court Appointed Child Abuser(s)